Think of those times when you’ve read prose or poetry that is presented in such a way that you have a fleeting sense of being startled by beauty or insight, but a glimpse into someone’s soul. All of a sudden everything seems to fit together or at least have some meaning for a moment. This is our goal as writers. – Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott
Substitute writers with communicators.
To me, communication—whether with video, an email or a glance— is when a moment or concept we are experiencing flows through us uncensored. We are merely its messenger, a passenger on its journey. It isn’t us doing the talking per se, but the piece of knowledge itself. Our desire is for the listener to grasp the message in its entirety, not to prove anything about ourselves; not to show how smart or important we are. The second we focus on ourselves, we’ve lost the ability to pass on the knowledge we’ve attained. Why do you think 140 characters are king? Because the second the writer writes one word off tilter, says one thing that doesn’t vibe with us, we move on. There’s been a break in the chain of communication, a damn in the metaphorical “river.” We’re no longer listening. It is the giver’s duty and not the receiver to be understood.
Communication is a function of trust, not technique – Stephen Covey
This is the type of communication I seek to recreate every day. I want to be able to turn it on like a faucet. I’d like to believe that that level of connectedness in communication is the natural order, the way things should be. If not simply because I want to forget the struggle and pain of feeling misunderstood.
I’ve also explored the dread, the haunting paralysis of realizing that all is temporary. So even our greatest ecstasy is tinged by a bit darkness. This moment will pass, this moment will end… Cinema allows us to share subjectivity, to feel connected to somebody else who has also experienced what we have felt. That’s kind of amazing because we feel less alone in that moment. And I think my own desire to make media about this is at least I can explain to you how I have felt when I have probed and contemplated loss, it makes the sadness less acute because at least we are in it together.
One of my favorite podcasts is the Art of Charm. They had a recent session with Mark Manson, whom I hadn’t heard of before. He has two million monthly readers of his blog. With those numbers, he’s doing something right. This episode was an instant favorite of mine; it struck a chord with me. Sometimes, you hear something that is so deceptively simple, you wonder how you didn’t understand it before. It connects with you on a deep level. This was one of those instances. The biggest takeaway for me was their discussion of how focusing on self-improvement too much can be counterproductive.
Striving to improve ourselves and seek out a better future is natural. But happiness is an elusive concept—and one that is often sabotaged in the act of searching for it in the first place. “If you’re constantly having to read books that tell you how to be happy, you’re unconsciously reinforcing the idea you’re not already happy.”
It reminds me of another quote I wrote down months ago: “Spending too much time on self-improvement is antisocial.”
I believe it is important to note that the point is not to stop seeking to improve oneself; I think doing so is counter to what makes life interesting.
I would argue that we humans are most human when we’re improving ourselves. We, unlike any other animal, can consciously change ourselves, to improve ourselves in ways we choose. This distinguishes us from every other species alive today and, as far as we know, from every other species that has ever lived. Peak — Anders Ericsson
I do think, however, that we need to shoot for the golden mean in the pursuit of improvement.
Here’s the link to the podcast below if you want to listen:
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